Tuesday, March 25, 2008

If Issues Were Names....

It’s an election year, which means the crazies are bound to come out of the woodwork. It seems like everyone and their dog thinks that if they could just get on the ballot, surely they’d win and do a better job than the yahoos in DC. Too bad a fair portion of those trying to get on the ballot are yahoos themselves. Take for example Marvin Richardson of Letha, Idaho. Marvin’s an organic strawberry farmer and active political junkie. Marvin’s also a stark raving lunatic. Not too long ago, he got the bright idea to change his middle name to “Pro-Life.” He wanted to make sure when he put his name on the ballot for governor of Idaho in 2006, everyone knew he was certifiable. But, Idaho state law barred ole Marvin from using his full name because it was also a slogan. Marvin wised up this year though, now his name is just “Pro-Life,” like Cher, or Bono, or the Unabomber. Can’t you hear the crazy cackling coming from a distant strawberry field right now?


Since Pro-Life is his full and only name, Idaho state officials have no choice but to allow just that to be printed on the ballot. Pro-Life has vowed to run for the highest office in the state every 2 years for the rest of his life while advocating murder charges for doctors who perform abortions and women who obtain them. Charming. This year, he’s going for Senator Larry Craig’s seat, another charming fellow, who if he ran again, could use the name Larry “Not Gay” Craig. Catchy, huh? Of course, that name probably would have been more useful before he stepped into that airport bathroom.


Crazy as Pro-Life is, the concept of a candidate changing his or her name to reflect their views may not be such a crazy idea. The whole process would probably be a lot easier if you had to choose between Tree-Hugger and War-Monger. Here’s to an entertaining election!

1 comment:

Herbert said...

Larry Craig playing footsies in the men's john has nothing whatsoever to do with pro-life/pro-choice, unwanted pregnancy, womens' rights or anything else you re trying to talk about. Perhaps if you spent more time listening to Art Bell or L. Ron Hubbard, who is dead, you'd make a bit more sense. Not much mind you, but more than you do now.